ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
This toilet bowl is my home.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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