Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
