a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't turn off my feet"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
