Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
3pm strippers are depressing
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
