she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
