Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
