Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
