If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
