I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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