I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
