Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize