the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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