you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
