The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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