is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
