Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
