ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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