is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
