Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You can't motorboat a personality
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
