When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
