i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
