I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
