walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I am naked and annoyed.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize