Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
