her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
