Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
