I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
