are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
