The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All I want is dick and wine.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
