had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sorry about my life...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
