I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
