..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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