bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
