your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
