the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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