I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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