I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
