I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
