I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
