bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
