every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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