Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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