is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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