She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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