i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
