I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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