You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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