Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
