what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
