I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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