I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize