covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Randomize
