I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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