Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
