if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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