just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
