You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize