Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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