moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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