if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize