That's intense
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
