pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
