i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There's always time for handjobs
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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