Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize