i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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