I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
