you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
