Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
