I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
