OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
