Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
