i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
