she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
