i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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