Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
