Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
