I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
