hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I am available for nakedness
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
