Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I love you.
Bad choice
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