I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
