i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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