i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This house was built for laser tag.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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