Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
