There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
