Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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