Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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