I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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