If i come over, it means nothing
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
