Just fell off a train. Bad.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
