I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize