I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
