I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
