So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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