Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
